Who’s the Boss?

Yesterday I was talking to a friend.  She reminded me of something she heard once about Tony Robbins.

Of course it might just be an urban legend, but she said that she had read that Tony Robbins gets in a cold pool every morning just to remind his brain who’s in charge.  She said he takes this optional plunge into very cold water as a way of telling his brain, “There’s me and then there’s you over there, brain.  I’m the boss.”

I have thought a lot about what she said since we talked:  “There’s me and then there’s you over there, brain.  I’m the boss.”

Our brains are always trying to protect us.  They want us to avoid pain and discomfort.  They want us to save our energy.  They want us to seek pleasure so that we can stay alive and perpetuate the species.  The trouble is that the goals our brain has for survival do not usually line up with our own goals to grow and stretch and up level our lives.

For example, if I have a goal to speak at one network event every month to promote our company and increase excellence across my industry, this goal, though worthy, is not in alignment with the brain’s ideal survival scenario.

A speaking engagement requires me to “leave the cave” and “stand out from the pack.”  It’s possible I could embarrass myself or make a mistake.  It will take energy to prepare and practice and even to reach out and set up the speaking gig.  I will have to travel and experience the nerves that come with public speaking and I will be opening myself up to rejection and criticism.

The brain sees all these outcomes as threatening.  It will try to talk me out of this course of action.  My brain will point out that sitting on the couch watching Netflix is so much easier.  It will act like it is confused and tell me that I don’t know what to say.  It will remind me how much I already have on my plate and it will tell me that I’m already tired.  But mostly, my brain will tell me “You don’t have to.”

This is the line my brain tries to sell me all the time:  You don’t have to.  That’s why I like this thought about Tony Robbins so much.  Because of course I don’t have to do any of it.  I don’t have to line up speaking engagements and I don’t have to write books and push myself and my team to achieve even more this year than last year.  Just as Tony doesn’t have to jump in the cold water every morning.  Doing the optional things means that we are in charge of our primitive brain that just wants things to be easy and safe.  I love the idea that I get to remind my brain who’s really in charge:  I’m the boss, brain, and what I say goes.

My brother is preparing for to qualify for the Boston Marathon.  In order to do this he has to run a series of marathons under a specific time in order to qualify for a spot.  In order to do this, he has to train and put in the miles.  He has to get up long before the rest of the world, put his feet in his running shoes, and pound out mile after mile when no one is watching.  He has to have his diet completely dialed in, he has to make sacrifices, and he has to organize his life to accommodate his running schedule, his sleep needs and his strength training.

And all of it is optional.

Every morning his brain is selling him on the fact that “he doesn’t have to.”  As soon as the alarm rings at 4 am and he rises to lace his shoes, his brain is telling him that he doesn’t have to do any of this.  It starts by asking him questions like:

• Why are we doing this?
• What is the point of this?

It tries reasoning with him:

• We can skip a day.
• One day won’t matter.
• You should probably rest your hamstring anyway.
• You don’t want a permanent injury.

When these tactics don’t work, his brain attempts to scare him:

• What if we do all this work and you don’t qualify anyway?
• What if we’re out here for nothing?
• What if we never reach our goal?
• What if Boston just isn’t possible?
• What if you’re not fast enough or strong enough or good enough to do it?

The key to achieving anything you want in your life, is to recognize that your brain is more interested in your survival than your goals. You are not on the same page. There you here and there’s your brain over there. You simply have to decide whose goals you’re going to pursue. Do you want more than survival? Do you want to achieve massive success?

To do that you simply have to have the grit (Chapter 6!) to be uncomfortable long enough to tell your brain exactly who is in charge and then stay at it long enough to achieve your dreams.

What about you? What is the line your brain is selling you? What are you doing to let it know that you are the boss?